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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
lucypevensie
: :::::::..:. ..:::. .: ..:.:..:.

September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]

the heat is STILL not fixed.

I realized: It's not really about the 4.0. It's the 4.0 and all it represents. Perfection. Keeping up everyone's recognitions and expectations. Doing the best that can be done without really even breaking a sweat.

***
Personal Daily Horoscope of Tuesday, 26 November 2002
for Constance, born 12 December 1982
©Astrodienst AG

Disorientation --
Valid during many months: This is a time of extreme inner conflict, which can severely undermine your effectiveness with others. You will become extremely self- critical and uncertain about the ideals by which you structure your life, as well as about the structure itself.
You make very great demands upon yourself, and you feel you must live up to them. But they are very far removed from what you should realistically expect. You will almost certainly fail to live up to these ideals, so you will be acutely disappointed in yourself. Your self-condemnation is unjustified but very convincing at this time.

Guilt, remorse for alleged "past sins," feelings of unfulfilled responsibilities, depression and self doubt are all characteristic of this time. But you must remember that everything seems worse than it really is. Sometimes you have an irrational sense of fear or apprehension, when your world seems to be populated by ghosts that haunt you. Illusion is indistinguishable from reality. Clearly this can be one of the most difficult of all influences.

Actually your ideas about the world are being changed, and the first step is a process of disintegration that leaves you feeling extremely disoriented.

If you can, it would be a good idea to go into some kind of retreat or at least try to minimize the demands of the everyday world for awhile. And as you simplify your life in this way, concentrate on the very concrete aspects of reality. Don't involve yourself in abstractions, for you can become lost in them. Deal with everything on a very mundane, practical level, until your sense of equilibrium begins to return. This is not a particularly good time to study the occult or psychic disciplines unless past study has given you a strong sense of proportion in these matters.

Transit selected for today (by user):
Saturn Opposition Neptune
activity period from 7 August 2002 to 14 May 2003.
***

*That*'s *way* encouraging. Not only is the shittiness of my life cosmically explicable, it's NOT GOING AWAY for bloody MONTHS and MONTHS and MONTHS! >:0

Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: Keys clacking; angsty convos with Mely and Sarah