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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]

Yeh. Cass (who I still love, but) totally just barged in on my horrid mess.

There is a point of INTPness here: we are perpetually self-criticising and often certain we are doing something mockable. And our living spaces are messy. And THAT is why we are fiercely jealous of our space.

Seriously, though: if I don't say "come in"... don't fucking come in.

Kein Murheit.

Anyone - even friends of mine - who enter without permission, they get hurt. Part of that is brute force reflex, since I have years of relatives teaching me the automatic survival of overwhelming agression, but part of that is because this is where I live.

If I didn't invite you, sod right the kitten-pasting-tapestry off.

Yeah, I have a couple friends on the list of, "May enter at will" But they're well aware that it is utterly essentil to enter yelling their greetings because otherwise I stand a decent change of seriously injuring them.

In college, I got a rep for instant reflexive violence - quite deserved - in the basement where I lived. Getting around that was just a matter of letting room-mates know up front that I had exceptionally fast and strong reflex response to new presence - and that they were to yell, or sing, or use their voices somehow so I'd know who was in my space.

My first year of college someone thought they'd play a practical joke on me - had four people try to sneak into my room to put toothpaste in my boots. Their motion sounded sneeky, and I woke up in the act of putting one of them through a bunk bed. Aparantly by that point I'd already tossed the other three through other things in the room... very frightening, for me as much as for them. I'm very lucky I didn't permanently damage any of 'em.

Found out later my roommate had set them up to get jumped by me, but hadn't realized I was being dead honest about having negative reactions to people in my space.

Violence and so on aside - as it probably should be - my space is my damn space. If I didn't invite you, I feel perfectly justified in my reflexes and ethical standings both. Privacy is the most fundamental of values, and despite a public persona of sorts, it's what keeps me in one piece. From the other side of the equation, I'll wait outside for as long as someone I'm going to see wants - I figure they have that fundamental right on their home ground - and if I don't get a response, or if I get a response I don't understand, I won't go in unless I think they're being threatened or in trouble. Even then, if they proceed to hurt me for it, I won't be upset - house and home is everything, and should be inviolate.

This holds be it dorm or tent in the woods - or whatever.