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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]

Reading some old Trillian logs. The depth of things I never realized ... they take my breath away.

This time last year...

Man, I was flipping out. I can still remember that feeling. It's still here inside me ... somehow.

I did eventually take those triangles off for the last time - now I don't even remember when it was. They are still a lesson to me: you can do amazing things, so long as you don't try to make yourself something you're not.

Also, there are some things some people will never understand.




Yup, you were there for that, all of it. I remember writing you a letter from NOLA.

...Thank you for asking me to. I don't think I'd remember that evening so fondly if I hadn't been paying enough attention to write about it.

Awesome! And I still love that letter.

What are triangles (in this context, that is)?


At the end of each season, you got a little silver triangle pendanty thing (for brassline; drumline got goldish ones that were cut out of broken cymbals.) The corps gave it to you because it meant that they claimed you, and you wore it because it meant you claimed them. So taking them off seemed like turning my back on everything I'd worked for and everyone who'd stood by me.

I don't really think it's like that anymore. We had what we had and now it is done. Sooner or later, everything ends anyway. In retrospect it's kind of strange to think I flipped out about quitting something that hurt so much. But there were good people there, and something greater that I never did figure out. And giving up on THAT, I think, was what really hurt.