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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
lucypevensie
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]

Why I care if he leaves at semester is obvious. Why I care if he leaves at the end of the year, I do not know.

I have been enriched and still I see how one could so bitterly hate this place. I once did.

Such questions as these make my life bitter.

These are questions of bitterness, questions with so much pain inherent in the asking that the answers cannot possibly merit speaking them.


They remind us of the good that we have grown blind to, but they also cry out to us for the pains we have learned to ignore. And their cries cut the very marrow of our being. We hurt for them, but more we hurt because they cry our own tears - the child we once were who was never comforted, who failed to grow into someone who made things better for those who would come after.

I have failed the dearest and sweetest. Perhaps they are not innocent as the world sees them, but they are only initiands into the tragedy of the soul to which the world is blind.

Can it be any other way?


How self-interested I have become. Do I really want to be indomitable?

The wind blows, the mist falls. I long for things that were but never were, and that never again will be.

I grow weary. I do not want to be the oldest any more.

Current Mood: melancholyupset
Comments

::hugs:: The fact that you see things means that you're doing good. I know that's not always the most comforting thing, but it is one of the truer ones ... ;)

::hugs::

I just hate the feeling that I could have done something. I don't know what, but ...

I do suspect that you do a lot in your life just by being yourself ;)

I hope I do. I don't sense that I do much by trying (in fact, trying invariably makes me quite crabby.)

It's nigh on the only time I wish I was essentially different - more able to DO things, and less just BEing.

The only thing I can think of to do (I use 'do' loosely) is sit down with the individual in question and tell him exactly how I see the situation (as one with hindsight on it). Of course, I will have to figure out exactly how I see the situation and how mine may apply to his.

Blargh.