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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]
What to doooooo

So... it is high time Lucy decides what to do with her future.

Here is the conflict:

Lucy is (at this very moment) looking at Drew's Casperson School homepage - MA and PhD in Liturgical Studies *and* Theological & Religious Studies.

I am so excited about the prospect of studying *any* of these things that I could just throw up. In a good way.

And yet, when the excitement fades, I will indubitably be awash with trepidation. If I follow this course, I can't think of anything I could do for a career other than teach in a college or uni.

Which is fine... and I can't really think of anything I'd *rather* do as a career. (At least, not anything practical.)

But it feels so much like signing in stone what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.
And that's scary.

I also don't know if I'm brave enough to go somewhere where I actually have to find out what happens when I have to work at my full potential on a regular basis to succeed. I don't know if I have the guts to swim out of my little pond into the big ocean. I didn't expect to like the little pond much to begin with, but it's gotten comfortable here. Comfort is hazardous, though.

::pulls hair::


But would you be happy with yourself if you _didn't_ try?

Also...the thing about PhD programs is that it's not hard to drop out of them. Not hard at all. Not hard to stop at an MA either. And if you play your cards right, you should get a fellowship, so you wouldn't be in a trillion dollars worth of debt if it turned out you didn't want to complete the program.

I think you could do it, Luce ; ) I don't want you to settle for anything.

No, probably not.

I would have to explain to myself before I even started that I was just doing it on a trial basis - otherwise I would have so many failure issues 'dropping out' that ... well, I would never do it. :P

Some quick shaft of light just passed across the root of the reason I stress out so much and then glinted back into oblivion, but I don't remember what it was. Perhaps it will return.

If I settle for anything, it will be because I can't make up my mind. :P


Well, the SlashMachine believes in you, if it's any comfort. You'll do the right thing. And you would be an absolutely tubular professor.

I also recall splendiferous excitement when you found someplace that offered what you wanted to study. C'mon, it can't be all bad.

To put things in perspective, I'm to do *what,* precisely, with a BS in theatre? At least you can teach at the college level with a master's...
...lookit *me,* I hafta make my way on pure talent. Crappity crap.

I apologize for this post, it was made after midnight...I get this way if I've not had my nap.

Lucy knows this.

I'm sort of going through the same thing, only I'm in undergrad. I'm a history major and although I love the subject I don't think I could handle grad school, and I don't want to be a teacher. I have no clue what to do.