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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]
What we have here, is an essential failure to communicate.

Here's what I want to do with my summer:

Take a week to hang around after school, sleep, release stress, do laundry, plan for camp.
Work at camp! 5/22-7/1.
Go home. Sleep, do laundry, write things, practice instruments.
Visit friends. Oh yeah, Mom, I have those. And they don't live anywhere near my house. >:/
Go to Pittsburgh. Find something interesting to research. Research it. Hang out with the bits of my family that I haven't spent more than a week with in two years. They miss me too, you know. HAVE SOME FREE TIME BECAUSE I HARDLY GET ANY DURING THE YEAR. I know, heaven forbid I get to do what I want with my own time. (This seems to be becoming a theme...)
Go home. Possibly do some more friend-visiting. Sleep, do laundry, pack and get ready to go back to school.

Here's what my mom wants me to do with my summer:

Come home, throw all my laundry in the washer, run out the door to Pittsburgh.
Come home, throw all my laundry in the washer, run out the door to camp.
Work 5/22-7/1.
Do something (involving Alabama?, and hopefully some laundry) 7/1-7/5.
Work 7/5-8/15, because (and I quote) "the work would be better than the sitting around and then not have re-cooped the loss on not doing colts especially since you'll still need to pay up to the college etc." Quite aside from the fact that even working 1 session will make more money than I would have if I had marched, and even *more* more money because it'll be quite difficult for me to spend much of any the whole time I'm at camp.
Come home, throw all my laundry in the washer, run out the door to school.

Right now, I am having a far more emotional reaction to THIS than to the Colts thing. I really want to pick up the phone and call mom and scream THE REASON I DIDN'T WANT TO MARCH IS BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF SPENDING MY LIFE RUNNING ALL OVER FARKING CREATION AND NOT HAVING ANY TIME TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!!!!!

A side reaction is: Well, if you only want to see me for 5 days all summer, why don't I just go live somewhere else?

I mean, I'm sure 2 sessions of camp would be a great time. I really do believe that. But this is probably my last summer OF MY ENTIRE LIFE, or at least till I retire, that it'll even be possible for me to stay home and do whatever. RRRRGH.

Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Lie Still, Little Bottle -- TMBG

Your life. Your choice. Period.
Have her ask anyone who freaking knows you. They'll all tell her that you need (not ought to have, need) at least a week of doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and/or the OCCASIONAL THING with lots of LYING AROUND. I think you need a month, but you'd never let yourself do that =)


In the end I will eventually end up more or less following my own plan, but it bothers me because:

1. i wanted to spend time with her (and dad and sami) and in response it's like she's trying to kick me out of the house - which i know isn't her intention. it is true that i didn't tell her all this before she sent the email and i got upset, but:
2. my mom has, for the my whole life, been the one person on earth who knows me better than anyone, and she completely missed the mark, and it hurt, and it SUCKS, because she's usually the one I run to talk to when someone *else* upsets me.
3. and now i have to try to explain this to her. >:/
4. and that'll probably get on to other problems i'd rather just sort out than discuss as discussing them is liable to get me all hot and bothered, like how i am perpetually overextending myself and how if i do one more major thing before i am really well and prepared (or where preparation takes me until the wee hours of the morning before) i will probably run screaming to Canada.

Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. :) You are right - I don't think I could lay around for a month if I wanted to. :D I may start with the intention of laying around, but I'd end up finding something to do anyway... ;)

If you go to Alabama, let me know. I might need a roomate! *g*


i don't know where i'd be or what i'd be doing or even if i'm going or really anything about it at all, except that i'd only be there for like 3 days :P - but i'll certainly give you a holler if i can ;)


but I already gots a roomate if I wants one, I guess.


So I get done May 17th, then promptly report for duty at mom's office that day. If you have time, we should try to grab a day or two together at the beginning of summer (in that 5/17-5/22 space) and hang out. Or maybe post then, as I get done with job on July 18th and don't have to back at Grin-town 'til August 13th.