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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]

There are many indications that I need to consider my own needs and interests more seriously when making decisions.

But how do I deal with the fact that I *HATE* that I'm considering my own needs and interests at all?

Current Mood: self-centered
Current Music: Email is awesome, email is weird...
Whoa.... deja vu :)

Ok..... try this one on for size....

Taking care of yourself is a benefit to those around you. The less resources you have to spend on repairing the damage or resting from exhaustion the more energy you have that you can choose to spend on helping others. How's that?

(for another perspective on this.... my friend siderea (an INTJ and pretty good at pulling understandable information out of the chaos that are 'people stuff') emailed me something she'd written on 'accidy'. After I got a livejournal she said it was ok for me to put a copy of that email in my lj. here is a link to that post)

Re: Whoa.... deja vu :)


I'm crying again, but it's not for sadness.

I never until right now realized ... I was worried that my family would be upset that I gave the organization $1000 that I can't get back.
But I never thought to contemplate how much they would love to have me home during the summer.

I'm not sure what made me think of that.

As pertains to the email, I will have to continue pondering. But I *will* continue pondering. :)

thought 1

So how do you go about dealing with the interior mess?

Is quitting marching actually cleaning up/dealing with the mess, or is it just evicting some tenants and walling off a room of the building that I can't make comply with fire codes?

Though when I put the metaphor that way, evicting and partitioning sort of *is* dealing with the mess.

Re: thought 1

Can you identify any benefit this marching thing is providing you with (and 'not making {blah} worse' does not count as a 'benefit' for the purposes of this question :)

Re: thought 1

It gives me something social to do during the summer (my other option, and one which I thoroughly visited two summers ago, being sitting around feeling horrible for weeks.) It gets me in shape - I have an abundance of energy for months afterwords - and gives me a nice tan. It reminds me how much I can get done in five minutes. I get to hang out with people I would never see otherwise. I get to go places I wouldn't get to go. It improves my physical capacity to play my horn. I believe in what the organization stands for and what it does for its members, what it teaches them.

It's better than the apparent alternative.

I don't know if I'd ever forgive myself for not marching, but I also don't know if I'd ever forgive myself for wasting a summer doing something I sternly told myself I was going to hate. Every winter I have camped, I have thought I don't really want to do this and I'm never doing it again and for some reason I don't believe myself.

Re: thought 1

So you like it in the summer and not the winter? (I may be misunderstanding this)

If you had another alternative for the summer you'd be more certain you dind't want to do the marching?

Re: thought 1

All the bits I like are in the summer. But the bits I don't like outweigh the bits I do like - in volume and frequency if not definitely in quality. And there are a lot of 'meh' bits too.

If I knew of something spectacular to do over the summer then I would have a lot less trouble not marching.