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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]
soup, prayers, MFEFSP


I expect this nonsense from MSN messenger - and that's fine, 'cos I only have about 20 MSN buddies and most of them just sit there.

But I have 200 people on my AIM list, and having a damn little window come and go every time they go idle or come back from idle or away or back from away or sign on or off is EFFIN' ANNOYING.


Also, I don't even WISH to consider this multi-logon capability crap. Oh, am torn between my yearning for Trillian and my extreme laziness (don't want to set up my own laptop.)

Anyway, none of this is why I started this entry.

I ate two meals of soup today - one a Mexican one with some corn and beans and salsa and rice and meat bits, and cheese and sour cream, and lime chips; one split pea with fun scorchy pieces :p and an awesome salad with the most amazingly tender lettuce ever and a yummy roll and some fruit and nut salad of some kind and a glass of milk, and an awesome brownie and ice cream and caramel sauce and a cup of coffee with real half and half for dessert. Small wonder I fell asleep during contemplative prayer service ::blushes::

I really need to stop nodding off. I'm beginning to believe that it's not because I don't get enough sleep, but because I don't get enough good sleep. There are nights I sleep for 10 hours and wake up feeling lousy, and then there are nights when I wake up on my own after 6 hours and feel great. The ~45 minutes tonight was some of the good kind. But I don't know how to reliably have good sleep. I've been running and that doesn't seem to be related. I don't think I've eaten anything really remarkable. Merh. ::shrugs:: I think it's that I have to go to bed happy, but 'happy' does not equate with 'good mood' and ... it's a puzzle.

The AIM popup windows are stacking themselves up on the edge of my screen. Even though they close themselves back up again almost immediately. Weeird.

I really think I may spend the $15 I don't have and go buy the NYC Ballet video tomorrow. I've never seen it anywhere before, and I really really want to dance or at least do some facsimile thereof.

Picked up my new glasses (ie, the HALF-MOON SPECTACLES) today. They make me grin :D

HOT backpack at Old Navy - $15 marked down from $22.50. So huge. Buckles galore to take in unnecessary hugeness. Many pockets. Most rad. Oh, me wants.

Also hot sundresses galore at the mall (and sundresses are I think my favorite kind of clothing ever), and cute flip flops and many other kinds of adorable shoes. I need to become more gainfully employed. I also need to lose a few bunches of pounds. Which brings us back to the ballet vid. ::Sigh, grumble::

According to... I don't remember who, Cody *is* in fact retiring at the end of this year. This is quite possibly the biggest relief since... emm, possibly since the opera was over, or marching season, or the musical. Hopefully it will really BE a relief and not just SEEM to be one (viz. everything Alpha.)

Went to say family evening prayer this evening and discovered that my one piece of personal liturgy - the prayer of thanksgiving I have said, or variations on it, since I was about 6 - had been completely stricken from my brain. Did those cells just die or something? Most weird.

So after snoozing (by which I mean completely gone, dreams and everything - it really was too deep a sleep to be a snooze) through aforementioned service, I got up, finished my coffee (oh, the irony) and tried to avail myself of the opportunity to play a semi-tuned piano.

It was AWFUL! X-p I hope to God no one was listening (they'd probably have to have their ears cauterized), but I could not seem to free myself of the creeping knowledge that somewhere in the building was someone who could, it seems, balance a million notes on each fingertip and not drop a single one, and all I could think was how lousy I must sound - I couldn't play well, and I wasn't even practicing well; my tempo was all over the map (forgot blasted metronome) and my focus was shot (for that same reason, no doubt) and nothing got much better - certainly not as much much better as has happened before. This doesn't bother me sitting in the Con when there are dozens of people like that all around me - because they know I'm a student and I know I'm a student and I *am* practicing and learning and getting better, and if they don't believe me I'll show them my jury sheets.

And someday I will remember that T. Daniel, or Daniel the Cute Organist, or My Favorite Emotional Functional Sharp Point smiles at me because he's a good human being and not for any other reason.

But I am home, and I am okay.

Oh - and congrats to gads on being the youngest grandmother in the history of the ever ever. ;)

addendum (pre-post): Forgot to login and then forgot to enter a username at the top of the update page... got 'no username sent' and a blank field... nearly crapped myself. 8-/ Fortunately entry was still here upon click of 'back' button. :P

Current Mood: okayrad
Current Music: mfrrjrffuffl