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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]

On my Christmas book list are CS Lewis, Orson Scott Card, Antoine de St.-Exupery, Leaves of Grass, and anything about liturgy or church music. Props to Dad for coming close (and finding a good book at any rate) with Out of the Garden, a bunch of writings by women about the Bible. This made me think, though: I do not see myself foremost as a woman. I mean, I am, obviously, but it's a part of me that is so ingrained that I don't even really think about it anymore; it's become transparent. Women are amazing and awesome and I rejoice to be one. But I don't really identify with feminism (or its opposite, extreme girliness.) I don't understand why it's important to have a special collection of women's academic writings on the Bible. Academia should be gender-blind. I realize that traditionally it hasn't been; that it might be necessary to produce such a volume simply so that these women's voices could be heard - this seems painfully antiquated, though, and I would hope it's no longer necessary. Spiritual writings are another matter - one's spiritual needs depend on one's situation, and one's situation is far more gender-based.

Just some thoughts.

Some more thoughts: It is imperative to choose a field of study (for college and for the rest of your life) that you do not have problems objectifying. I (fortunately) have found that I can objectify music and still like it a whole lot. To me, it's both very mathematical (even the expression is a part of an overarching equation, a balance, a tension) and very linguistic (and what is more logical than grammar?) and I think it takes well to the rigorous analysis one must learn to undertake. I don't want to sit back and enjoy music (I've never really had the patience for unfounded aesthetic observations; they're all opinion and no meat). I want to grab it and dissect it and understand it and fit it into my brain. I have no problems objectifying religion for many of the same reasons; what we do in class is academic, not spiritual, and religion was never really there for your enjoyment anyway. But I could never really study, say, poetry. I don't want to spend all my minutes looking for rhyme and meter and structure and device when it comes to poetry; I want to read something and have it lead me to dream. I can still appreciate and enjoy and be inspired by and dream music after having cut it all to tiny bits (and I think I appreciate and enjoy it more when I know what I'm talking about.) Perhaps that is because words are my most natural language to dream in; reading/saying/hearing words makes me dream in words, and reading/playing/hearing music makes me dream in words also. I am only just now figuring out how to paint with music, and I'd be far too timid to paint at all if I didn't understand how everything was supposed to be just so.

Current Mood: deep
Current Music: Couldn't you save a minor part of it? -- RW

I'm the exact same way about "being a woman" and feminism. I just don't see much of a -use- for feminism anymore. Sure, there are still different roles for men in women in society, but not anywhere near the way it used to be. And until they find a way for men to conceive and deliver babies, that's not going to change. Perhaps it's ungrateful to all the progress that the feminists have made this past century. But in a way, I feel like the only thing feminists are trying to accomplish now is becoming the -same- as men. And quite frankly, I like being the gentler, more graceful sex. I like there being that distinction. I wouldn't want all of our gender roles to go away, just as I wouldn't want all races to become one, because there's beauty in our differences.