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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
lucypevensie
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]

AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

that is all.

except: Mom just cleaned the screen w/ Electronics Endust, and now there are fascinating RGB grainy bits refracted all over the screen.

And: Reading my old poetries and musings (found on a bottom bookshelf) is, I think, good for me. And so many unsent letters. I think I found six just on half a shelf.

And: I really don't want to go for a run. But I think I will presently anyway. Grrrrrrrr. Frankly, at this moment, I really don't want to go on tour. I want to stay home and pack my room and pack the house and help move and unpack my room and go to Pittsburgh and see all my friends - maybe ten or twelve times apiece.

But instead I only have three days to pack my room and myself for tour. Then I will be on tour for 70 some days. And then I may cram in a quick trip to Pittsburgh. And then I will go back to school dead exhausted and with my entire room at home still all up in boxes.

>>:(

I think this means one of two things: either I need to get some Paxil, or I need to get a new concept of 'fun'. I don't want to quit because I'd never forgive myself - and I could never go back. But I sure as hell don't want to go. I mean, I do, in some part. Bus rides and floor time and good shows and jokes and being there. I just can't see past this current soreness, tiredness, the fact that I feel like I am giving up so much for some rather nebulous result.

Arrrrrggh. ::bangs head on things, doing nothing for her stiff shoulder::

Samantha just threw the phone on the floor.