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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
lucypevensie
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]
Revelation #428

I was a lot happier back when I used to listen to my heart as much as possible and involved my head only when necessary. This was back when I lived in Kansas. (Lord only knows what I was listening to in elementary school. The voices in the walls, probably.)

Then I moved to St. Louis. Probably due to the trauma that my heart experienced, I quit listening to it, because it never told me anything other than that I hurt. I got used to heeding the advice of my brain most of the time. Eventually the brain took over.

Now my heart usually doesn't talk to me anymore. That's probably because I usually refuse to listen to it. It never tells me anything I want to hear. It never tells me anything I want to deal with. My brain has me too busy for me to realize what my heart knows.

Ask me about that, I'd like to tell you. Probably.

One of the small handful of things I like about myself: I don't crash, I spiral down slowly. Perhaps just as irrevocably; perhaps just as deep, if not deeper. Perhaps the spiral gets me more entwined in what's going on (think like a corkscrew...)
But I don't crash.

In the morning, I'm off to Dubuque to engage in more brain activities. I'm not sure whether or not my heart will be in them.

Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: GGD - Black Balloon (...with new meaning)