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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels
lucypevensie
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September 2009
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thoughts and feels and thoughts and feels [userpic]
A parable

I have not eaten properly in years.

When we grow up, our bodies change. We still need many of the same nutrients we needed as children, and our food is still the same basic stuff. But we need something a bit different to truly nourish us. Avocados. Spinach. I need these things, same as everyone else - but I can't seem to get any. I can't find them at the store. Everyone beats me to the ones in the dining hall. There are none to be had at restauraunts.

I subsist on milk and applesauce. It keeps me alive. It lets me die more slowly. Sometimes I am faint with hunger. Sometimes I am tantalized - other people have avocados or spinach, I can see them, I can smell them - but I still have none. I look at them and want them, I see people with extra, people who don't want theirs - but they do not offer and I will not ask. Sometimes it seems I am about to be given some - but it's never come through. Formula and applesauce and vitamin tablets will only last so long. And some time - I don't know when it was - I quit really believing that I was ever going to find any. I still look, I still hope. Maybe avocados and spinach don't really even exist.

And, as the Bible says, though I am fasting - even not a self-imposed fast - I get up, anoint my head and put on clean clothing.

And I dream of avocados and spinach.

Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: I Can't Give You Anything but Love -- Diana Krall
Comments
Re:

while I will not dispute the validity of either of your statements, it was more of a personal comparison. I wasn't trying to draw any great universal conclusions.

Re:

Either you're having a serious food craving, or:

“And as I sat there brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy's dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him; somewhere back in the vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night. Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter - tomorrow we will run faster, stretch our arms further … So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Re:

Pretty much yeah, I think.

That was a really interesting entry. To say the least.

Re:

Thanks... :)

(Anonymous)
Heavy

Actually, yeah. That was unusually deep and heavy.

Don't do it again; I don't have room for thought :)

-TLS.